(Difford/Tilbrook)
WARNING: These lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. They represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet to see.

Well you'd better not tell I've had a good night
Me and this bird she's a bit of alright
Dancing to the sounds as the arches get searched
She is the business for a bit of old skirt
It's so dirty when it's in the right mood
Give it some brandy and some chinese food
Take her for a spin with your stereo jack
Tell her she's the best girl you've ever had
Give it some gold to put round its neck
Bet here old man puts you on the deck
But its so dirty with me - it so dirty with me
Its so dirty with me - its so dirty with me
Well you'd better watch out here comes a tornado
You'll end up looking like a mashed potato
If her old man gets word of what's going on here
You'll end up at the bottom of someone's next beer
Well I've got a bud ain't frightened by shooters
So lets have a drink for a couple of troopers
No her old man won't know I've been giving it some
Unless you tell him the news but we know that ain't done