They said the day we got together we'd fall in love like birds of a feather,
and that we'd have lots to share.
All that happened was me screwing up, I accidentally touched her bra cup.
Lighting my cigarette I accidentally set fire to her hair...
I guess what I said had a lot to do with it, She said I'm crazy and she said I smelled like sh*&%.
I tried to kiss her and I got bit...

[Chorus]
I GUESS I'M NOT GETTING LAID
We went out to eat I sneezed in her food she punched me in the face and called me rude.
I thought the evening was going great.
I spilled her drink I ripped her dress. I accidentally grabbed her breast.
Elbowed her in the face trying to clean up my own mess.

[Repeat Pre-Chorus and Chorus]

[Instrumental]

[Chorus ]