This is the story of our first teacher
Shetland made her jumpers
And the devil made her features
Threw up her hands when my mum said our names
Embroidered all her stories with slanderous claims
Its over and done with

This is the story of losing my virginity
I held my breath and the bed held a trinity
People Im making no claims to no mystery
But sometimes it feel like
My sex lifes all history
Im not saying these events didnt
Touch our lives in any way
But, ah, they didnt make the impression
That some people say

This is the story of watching a man dying
The subjects unpopular
But I dont feel like lying
When I think of it now I acted like a sinner
I just washed my hands
Then I went for my dinner.