(spoken introductions)

I'm Charley, you know
I'm Norman pleased to meet you
I'm Mickey, hello
Wilko
I'm Johnny, how are you doing Harry?
My name is David
And I'm Ian… and … guess what?

Oi!

I want to be straight, I want to be straight
I'm sick and tired of taking drugs and staying up late.
I wanna confirm, I wanna conform
I wanna be safe and I wanna be snug and I wanna be warm

I want to be straight, I want to be straight
I wanna create a place of my own in the welfare state
Brr, gonna be good, brr, gonna be kind
It might be a wrench but think of the stench I'm leaving behind

I want to be straight, I want to be straight
Come out of the cold and do what I'm told and don't deviate
I wanna give, I wanna give, I wanna give my consent
I'm learning to hate all the things that were great when I used to be… bent!

Could be not straightness
dum dum dilley
Might lead to greatness
dur yuh dum der
Owing to lateness
My chance has only just arrived, ha

ow! Straight, straight, straight, straight
Straight, straight, straight, straight
Straight, straight, straight, straight, straight

I want to be straight, I want to be straight
I'm sick and tired of taking drugs and staying up late
I know that you're right, I know I was wrong
So thanks very much, please keep in touch, I'll be rhyming along

I want to be straight
I want to be straight
I want to be straight
I want to be straight
I want to be straight
I want to be straight...