CORNY
And now, live, from the certified up-to-code Baltimore Eventorium...
...for the first time ever on nationwide television...
it's The Corny Collins Spectacular...

COUNCIL GIRLS
He's Corny!!

CORNY
...brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

CORNY (& ENSEMBLE)
What gives a girl
Power and punch?
Is it charm, is it poise?
No, it's hairspray!

What gets a gal
Asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough?
No, it's hairspray!

If you take a ride
With no can at your side
Then your flip will be gone
With the wind

But if you spray it and lock it,
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space
Each hair will be in place

Why take a chance
When you get up and dance
If you twist, i insist
You use hairspray

And tell your mother
Her head she should smother
With "ultra-clutch" faithfully

So if you're a redhead,
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get
The only thing better than hairspray

CORNY
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

CORNY
Forget the milkman
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY
That's me!

CORNY & ENSEMBLE
What makes a man
Reach out and touch?
Ultra clutch!

CORNY & ENSEMBLE
So if you're a redhead,
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get

CORNY
The only thing better than hairspray
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

COUNCIL GIRLS
He's Corny Collins!

CORNY
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah!
Do wow!

CORNY
"Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!"

BRENDA
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya-do do wah!!!!