Written by Roger Miller
(As performed by George Jones)

(Chorus)
Oh the ways of the world, and the wants of a woman
If I figured them all out 'twould take many years

I once had a sweetheart, the fairest of maidens
She outshined all others that I'd known by far
I had a friend, a big fella, named big Harlan Taylor
Harlan had a rubber-tired, new shiny car

(Repeat chorus)

By the wants of a woman she fell for big Harlan
I tried, but in vain, for to take my own life
Suddenly I had lost all my will to keep livin'
She lost her desire to become my young wife

(Repeat chorus)

I wanted revenge and waylaid for big Harlan
Then I started wondrin' what good would it do
If a rubber-tired, new shiny car's her ambition
Then she can just have it and big Harlan, too

(Repeat chorus)

If I figured them all out it would take many years