Ive been married, and married, and often Ive sighed
Im never a bridesmaid, Im always a bride

I never divorced them, I hadnt the heart
Yet remember these sweet words, `till death do us part

I married many men, a ton of them
Because I was untrue to none of them
Because I bumped off every one of them
To keep my love alive

Sir paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me
At night he was a horses neck to me
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive

Sir thomas had insomnia, he couldnt sleep at night
I bought a little arsenic, hes sleeping now all right

Sir philip played the harp, I cussed the thing
I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing
And now he plays where harps are just the thing
To keep my love alive
To keep my love alive

(bridge)

I thought sir george had possibilities
But his flirtations made me ill at ease
And when Im ill at ease, I kill at ease
To keep my love alive

Sir charles came from a sanitorium
And yelled for drinks in my emporium
I mixed one drink, hes in memorium
To keep my love alive

Sir francis was a singing bird, a nightingale, thats why
I tossed him off my balcony, to see if he, could fly

Sir atherton indulged in fratricide,
He killed his dad and that was patricide
One night I stabbed him by my mattress-side
To keep my love alive
To keep my love alive
To keep my love alive