I'd like to find the guy
Who done me wrong
And stuck my faget arse up
On this Christmas tree.
Who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?
Who was that man?
He shoved it up my can
And left me stranded on this Christmas tree. (Yeah ...)
When this angel heard
Chop-ba-ba-bop, di-chop-ba-ba-bop,
A dreadful fear went right into my heart.
Those pine tree needles sting me,
Ram-a-jam-a-ram-a-jammin' in my ding dong.
You'll never know how much that smarts. (Hooah ...)
So who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?
Who took that bush
And crammed it in my tush?
He made this angel beg for mercy, please. (Yow ...)
Each night when I'm alone,
Scratchity scratchity scratchity scratchity
Scratchity scratchity shoop ...
It sets my tiny bottom all aglow.
And every time I wiggle,
Slipty-din-de-din, slipty-din-de-din,
A little further in it goes. (Ohhh/Yeah ...)
(Rump-ba-bump-ba-bump
Ram-a-lam-a ding dong
Slipty-din-de-din
Poopity poopity shoop ...)