Special guest vocalist, mikes dad: bob mccormick
(mikes dad appears courtesy of mikes mom)

There once was a time when the country was wide. a time before cars and planes and minivans. so, to move things from one place to the other, the railroad was built. but it just didnt up and bui
Self. nope, it was built by the railroad men. and among these men was a man among men among men among men among men among men, a man as tall as the sky and as wide as the land. a man who could l
Ack faster than anyone else could run. a man with the strength of ten men. his name was john henry, and Im not gonna sing about him. no, Im gonna sing about a lesser know figure, one who doesn
Serve a song. a man as lazy as a thousand men. a man who could barely raise his own body off the ground. a man who was barely a man at all. his name was mike mccormick.

Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man
Who never really gave a damn
Only thing he worked on was his tan
Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man

Hed get up in the morning to hammer in them spikes
Unless hed been up drinking the previous night
Or if his bones werent feeling right
Or if it looked like it was going to rain

He had a tendency of being late for work
And everyone around thought he was a jerk
Hed take long breaks and say his back was hurt
Then hed have a drink to ease the pain

Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man
Who never really gave a damn
Only thing he worked on was his tan
Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man

Mikes dad: mike! mike! get up, mike!
Mike: what, what is it?
Mikes dad: get up, its time to go to work.
Mike: awww, already?
Mikes dad: well, dont you want to hammer in them spikes?
Mike: no.
Mikes dad: oh.

His arms were like twigs and his legs were like straws
His hands were like a babys bum they were so soft
Hed wheeze and moan and whine and cough
Then go home and take a little nap

He never got fired cuz he was the boss son
He just hung around and bothered everyone
Never drove a spike, not a single one
Though now and then hed give a tap

Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man
Who never really gave a damn
Only thing he worked on was his tan
Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man

Mikes dad: mike! mike! mike!
Mike: what? what is it?
Mikes dad: they say they got a big machine that they say can drive in nails faster than any man alive.
Mike: sounds like a good idea.
Mikes dad: no! no! no!
Mike: yeah, itll work faster.
Mikes dad: you dont understand! you see, its gonna cost us all our jobs. you, mike mccormick, gotta prove em wrong!
Mike: okay.

So he took his hammer and hammered one time (ow!)
He took his hammer and hammered two times (oh, jeez!)
He took his hammer and hammered three times (ohhh!)
Then he got crushed by a meteor and died

Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man
Who never really gave a damn
Only thing he worked on was his tan
Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man
Mike mccormick was a steel drivin man (steel drivin maaaan)