Ask if we can have six in
If not we'll have to have two
Well you're coming up at our end aren't you
So I'll get one with you
Oh, won't he let us have six in
Especially not with the food
He could have just told us no though
He didn't have to be rude

You see her with the green dress?
She talked to me at the bar
How come it's already two pound fifty?
We've only gone about a yard
Didn't you see she were gorgeous
She were beyond belief
But this lad at the side drinking a Smirnoff Ice
Came and paid for her Tropical Reef

But I'm sitting going backwards
And I didn't want to leave
I said it's Shire Green mate
Via Hillsborough please

Well how funny were that sketch earlier
Up at that taxi rank
Oh no you woulda missed it,
I think it were when you went to the bank
These two lads, squaring up, proper shouting
About who was next in the queue
The kind of thing that would seem so silly
But not when they've both had a few

Well calm down, temper, temper
You shouldn't get so annoyed
You're acting like a silly little boy
And they wanted to be men
And do some fighting in the street
(They said) no surrender
No chance of retreat

And so why are we in the taxi?
'Cause I didn't want to leave
I said it's Shire Green mate
Via Hillsborough please

Drunken plots hatched to jump it, ask around are ya sure?
Went for it but the red light was showing
And the red light indicates doors are secured

(Thanks to chris, Matty, John & Dan for correcting these lyrics)