So many presents,
So little time,
Santa wont be coming around my house this year,
cos I tried to drown my sister and I pierced my ear,
Oh mama made it perfectly clear,
Santa dont like bad boys...especially jewish ones.

Gnip-gnop and lego blocks are all that I desire,
So why did I have to set the pizza guys hair on fire,
I told him I was sorry,
Im a liar,
So no toys for me...i dont deserve them.

I couldnt wait for a big wheel as the holiday neared,
But then I told my grandma that she had a beard.

Dear santa,

I know what my problem is, why I cant be good, its a fear of intimacy.
You see my whole life whenever Ive met someone really great like you and
I keep feeling like Im getting close to them, something inside me makes
Me want to screw it up. so in a weird way the reason Im so bad is because
I love you santa.

Rock-em sock-em robots is what I was hoping for,
But then I made a death threat to vice president gore,
Oh santa wont be knocking on my door,
cos hes a big fat whore...what made me say that?

Chutes and ladders would be so good indeed,
So whyd I have to sell that cop a bag of weed,
So santa please give me that easy bake oven,
I swear I thought billy goats were made for lovin.

So santa wont you accept my apologies,
Santa cant you see Im begging you please,
Oh santa next year Ill do you right,
Live from new york its saturday night...