The bartenders working on a late night shift
Cheap bums and blondes and barmaids on a midnight drift.
And the dance bands playing the same old slam
Im sinking whiskey and youre sipping fine wine
I dont know what it is youre trying to prove
Well it should be you but its me who can hardly move
And Ive got my reputation lying on the line
Come on baby, be a good dog and help the blind

Wont you carry me home
(like a truck, pick me up)

You aint no lady but youve sure got taste in men
That head of yours has got you by time and time again
My arms and legs are aching and my heads about to blow
And your backs been breakin and Id hate to spoil the show
But Ive just spent next weeks wages and Im right out of coin
But you want more and its half past four and they want to close the joint
But we cant afford a taxi, and its too late for the bus
But Ive been told by friends of mine youre someone I can trust

Wont you carry me home
(dont let me lie here in all this beer)

You drank all your booze and half of mine
Im bleary eyed and youre waiting for the sunshine (to come and kill me)
Just like the man who threw me on the floor
Dont matter, while Im down here I might as well try and find the fucking door
Excuse me, have you seen my swizzle stick
And have you got a plastic bag cause Im gonna be sick
Im dead drunk and heaven hanging upside down
And youre getting up and leaving, you think Im gonna drown

Wont you carry me home