Gulp gulp........Go On Love Its My Birthday!
You Look Tarty Love Its My Birthday!
i'll buy you a barcardi love its my birthday!
and you know im having a laugh its not my birthday!

[Chorus x2]
you can find me in the pub with a pint of bud
look love i've got a fiver if you let me see your jugs
im in to playing to darts, i aint in to growing shrubs
so come fill up my mug before my fag gets stubbed

when i pull up out front you see my vauxhall nova
when i hit the bar its ten pints before im over
i came to watch the game cause im a blackburn rover
and im munching M&Ms while im downing smirnova
but only nothings changed cash down bottoms up
and i got a papercut from rolling my rizla up
if you watch how i move you'll mistake me for a geezer or gimp
cause i fell down the stairs and now walk with a limp
in the back bits of Watford they say fifty you hot
they like me i want them to love me like lesbian pop
but go in to Hemel-Hempsted they'll tell you im crazy
cause i once got drunk and humped the statue of a lady
but im fully focused now
tea and coffee on my mind
got a part time job in the daily grind
and this girls yeah
she loves my hair
she likes my car
her friend is fit but she's as ugly tooo riiiigggggghhhhhtttttt

[Chorus x2]

my girlfriends mum give me the cash
that bought me all my fancy stuff
my couch, my fridge, my plates, my waste
look mate im tied down but i aint changed
and you should love it way more than i hate it
your like my dad fashion sense is outdated
im that bloke by the bar when im on my round
your that weird guy who never leaves or makes a sound
when the beats start pumping i get my macerana on
my mates drag me to my chair before the end of the song
if the roofs on fire someone dial 999
and you wanna get drunk love
it isnt a crime
i'll tell you what i tell every girl
your fit
nice hair
if you dont wanna rush it here's another red square
or i can tell my mates to be round the back with a kronenberg
they'll know where we've ****ing been [YEAH! Laughs]

[Chorus x2]

dont act like you dont know where i been either mum!
in the pub all the time mum
its about to pop off mum
burn unit